grimgrimwar | Event

Event

[Open:]

[After the Numbers meeting at SAI, Alex looks kind of woozy -- getting a bunch of fragmented memories added to Galaxy-Eyes knocked them both for a loop a bit. She's bracing herself on a table, but she really looks like she just wants to leave.]

[Closed:]

[When she is well enough to walk, Alex is finding Juudai. She doesn't look happy.]

Galaxy-Eyes strongarmed me into this, so let's just get it over with.

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[She silently orders a cocoa and takes a seat at the back of the cafe.

Once Juudai's there, she just takes a surly sip of her drink.]

Go ahead and get started, I guess.

*Juudai lets out a small sigh, looking down at his own cocoa, wondering where to even begin.*

I originally contacted Galaxy-Eyes because I had concerns about your well-being. While investigating into the possession of a psychic, which we now know was Scythe, Isabel Marias picked up on emotional markers at the scene, that she recognized as yours. She told me that it was a sense of pain and sadness and the feeling of it just wanting it to stop, no matter what.
I contacted Galaxy-Eyes first, out of respect for the both of you. I knew you probably wouldn't want me to contact you at all out of the blue, but I really didn't want to do nothing. No matter what's been happening between us, I still consider you my friend and I was incredibly concerned about you.

Though, after talking to Galaxy-Eyes, she trusted me with an explanation on a lot of things concerning you. She... told me that you still feel guilty for what you've been through... for the things you did as a Dark Signer. That you've tried to move on from it and you feel you were unable to.

*He looks up at her to meet her gaze.*

Is that true?

[Alex looks down.]

So what if it is.

[Her grip on her cup tightens.]

What're you gonna do, just tell me some easy to feed crap like everybody else? Everybody else already forgave me, so I should just get over it -- everybody 'cept the families of the three people I killed, but, y'know, who gives a shit about them. And if that screws me up. I'm just throwing some kinda pity party, right?

[She rubs her nose with her arm and glowers at Juudai.]

If that's what you're gonna tell me, just. Save it, okay? You've already moved on with your institute and your stupid building and...everything. Every time I see you, it's just a big frickin' reminder that all of you guys moved on and you left me behind and I'm just...

[She sniffs.]

Stuck.

*Juudai remained quiet for a moment, before letting out a low sigh and massaging his temple for a few seconds. This really wasn't going very well so far.
After a moment of silence, he speaks up.*

... Alex. Do you ever have headaches at all?

[Alex blinks, furrowing her brows for a moment. Whatever response she was expecting, that wasn't it.]

What?

Headaches.

*Juudai looked around him slowly, to make sure nobody was nearby, before letting out a breath through his nose.*

When we were first re-branding as SAI and making the move into the Arcadia Movement building, I was looking around the building and going through bunches of old files and paperwork, personnel files, I think... I can't quite remember, but I was looking through them and then... I saw it.

*Juudai placed his hands down on the table, though one of them was shaking slightly.*

It was a file on Divine, that had been buried under all these files and paperwork. There was a picture of him in there... he was smiling. It was... *He gave out a heavy sigh.* ...I recognized it because it was the same exact expression he had when he shot me.

[...Alex's eyes start widening. That's a name she hasn't heard in years. She's a little surprised she's even hearing him talk about this. She just stares for a couple seconds, blinking, still not really understanding.]

Wh...what happened, then?

Then I got this... shooting pain in my head.

*He lifted a hand up, placing the palm to his temple.*

Right here. It was where...

*He swallowed, not really wanting to finish that thought.*

The pain was intense. I couldn't even stand up straight. I ended up dragging myself back to my office and locking myself in, waiting for the pain to stop.
In the end, I had to call Asuka to come and get me.
I've had nightmares before and there had been times where I had been talking to Asuka or Yuusei, just little moments, where my breathing would get weird and my chest would feel tight. But...
*He let out a weak laugh as he shook his head slowly.*
... that's the worse it had ever gotten before this.
I don't know whether it's just being in the building or what but, it's happened a couple of more times in the past year, since then. I just get this splitting headache and it knocks me out for the whole day.

Asuka and my dad are the only ones who know.
I went to see my dad about it, to see if there was anything he could do, but he thinks the pain is psychosomatic.

*Juudai leaned back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling of the cafe.*

Both he and Asuka hope that it will just go away when I get more used to the building, but... *He paused for a second.* ... the things I did back then. To Asuka... and Yuusei. *He shook his head slowly.* I don't think there's any getting around that.

[By the end of that explanation, Alex's mouth is hanging open a little bit. For a second, she thinks -- no way, this is a hoax, he's trying to BS me, there's no way this is real. But she stares at him for a few seconds, really looks at his expression.

She blinks a couple times and it hits her -- it's the same as hers. But it's different. This is real. What he's telling her really happened. He hadn't moved on as much as she thought he did. Then -- why didn't he tell her before, why is she only seeing him like this now, how in the hell could she have possibly missed this for this long?!

She gulps, realizing the answer to that too. Maybe it was because she was too busy being pissed off at him to see it.]

[Slowly she draws her hands back into her lap and looks down and speaks in a small voice.]

My neck.

[She takes in a breath through her nose.]

My head doesn't hurt. But. Sometimes, my. My neck. And my back do. They start hurting. [She rubs her eyes with her sleeve.] It started stinging a little bit when I came back. When somebody brings up the Dark Signer stuff. It gets worse. I keep thinking if I fix my shit and do the right thing, it'll stop, but... [She brings up a hand, sniffs loudly and pinches the bridge of her nose.]

Stupid fucking Onni was right. I'm just -- I'm j-just trying to take guys down to make myself feel better.

*Silently, Juudai reached out with his hand, which was still shaking slightly, and placed it on top of Alex's.
He didn't speak. He didn't feel like words were needed right now.*

[...]

[After a moment, Alex silently turns her hand over so her palm is touching Juudai's. She still doesn't manage to look him in the eye, but. It's something.]

...

I dunno where to go from here.

*Juudai nods slowly, looking down at their hands.*

I know.
But even if the path ahead is unclear, just keep on pushing forward. Through the pain, guilt, uncertainty... just keep on pushing forward the best you can.
But it's okay if there are times where you can't and you need to step back a little.

I know we've had our differences lately, but we've been through and experienced a lot together, we share similar pains. Even if things are damaged, even if we don't quite see eye to eye, you're my friend and you always will be my friend.

I just want you to know that.

You can't just keep saying that like it's always gonna be true.

[She sniffs again.]

You don't know -- what if I get messed up again, what if I'm too far gone already and I just don't realize it yet?! What if we have to become enemies, are you still gonna be trying to say we're friends, then!?

Yes.

Because I won't turn my back on a friend, no matter what difficulties that friend goes through.
It's true that neither of us knows what will happen in the future. There could be a time where we have to go against each other for some reason, but I still wouldn't see you as an enemy.

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